I feel blessed!

I mentioned previously, (on my “support this site” page, which has now been altered), that my mother, whom I shared a home with, quite unexpectedly passed away… (she passed in the beginning of this month, October)… Allah yerhamha… and how it turned my world upside down… all this happened while the site was under development, which hastened its release.

Her funeral ceremony was yesterday, over 3 weeks since she initially passed away. Shocking for a lot of you, I’m sure. Don’t get me started on this society’s lengthy beaurocratical turmoils and rather costly funeral processes, (which is another reason I hope to leave this Earth as a believing muslim)… but I will say the ceremony itself was really beautiful, mashallah. I read a poem I had written, where I also had tried to implement some Islamic morals. People reacted well to it. As I mentioned on my story page, and I quote: “At the moment of writing, I have not yet come out that I believe differently from friends and family… something I am planning to change, in proper steps, inshallah. In fact, this very site is the first step in that direction. I’m coming out.” Since my mother passed, my determination to take this very step has only became stronger… feeling a sense of freedom to finally pursue this dream… it always felt like a sensitive matter, not knowing how family would react… which is of course still in the mind, but not as big a weight on my heart at this time…

So, rewinding the tape to about the time of my mother’s passing… being in a restricted financial situation, my future was uncertain, and since the home needed to be sold… where would I live?
In the 2 weeks that followed, I became, yet again, a witness to Allah’s Mercy and Power… and this time… in a big way…

Somehow, without much effort, I was able to get a job as a substitute in elderly care, which means they will call me when they are in need of backup, someone to stand in… Shortly after, my brother made a quick call and was able to get hold of a small appartment. In such a short time! The appartment is currently being renovated, so I’ll get a fresh appartment, it’s very central to everything, I can easily walk down to the grocery shop when I need to. But… here’s the thing… it’s only like a 3-4 minute walk to the local Islamic center/mosque! There’s only one such place in the entire city and Allah brought it right to my doorstep! Mashallah! Allah solved everything for me!

سورة الشرح ٦
إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

سورة البقرة ٢١٤
أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ الَّذِينَ خَلَوْا مِن قَبْلِكُم ۖ مَّسَّتْهُمُ الْبَأْسَاءُ وَالضَّرَّاءُ وَزُلْزِلُوا حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ الرَّسُولُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَعَهُ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا إِنَّ نَصْرَ اللَّهِ قَرِيبٌ

سورة النساء ١٣٢
وَلِلَّهِ مَا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ ۚ وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ وَكِيلًا

Surah Ash-Sharh 94:6
Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.

Surah Al-Baqara 2:214
Or do ye think that ye shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: “When (will come) the help of Allah?” Ah! Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near!

Surah An-Nisaa 4:132
Yea, unto Allah belong all things in the heavens and on earth, and enough is Allah to carry through all affairs.

I stand before you… not merely as a person who share these above words from the Quran as a way of giving a moral push to others, no… I have truly seen and experienced the truth of them myself. Actually, more than once… but this time, in a so big way. My most immediate worries were removed.
That doesn’t mean I’m not still grateful for and in need of support, since my hope is to improve and dedicate my full time to this site, inshallah… but for me… I felt something indescribable…

My heart is truly full of love and gratitude towards Him… and more so, with a bigger wish to be of service to Him… He has now given me a way to pursue that easily…

I can’t help but tie this recent experience to this song… “Return to Innocence”, by Enigma.