How can we judge?
There is the saying, “don’t judge a book by its cover”. The moment we see a person or hear about a situation, we have an idea about it. The other day, I happened to come across a man in the grocery store who was wearing shorts! I thought it crazy, there is still snow outside where I live! (It’s March 24th as I’m writing this). That is indeed an unusual type of clothing for the season… but for whatever reason he chose to wear shorts to the grocery store, I have no idea… nor do I know that person… so what gives me the right to judge him?
When a strange element is introduced, we are quick to determine and judge things according to our own understanding… or lack of it. We fill the lack of understanding with our own ideas. On my page regarding the Amman message and my fascination for Jordan, I mentioned a Chinese man… “I also recently stumbled over the case of a man from China, who came to live in Jordan. This man was interviewed in Jordanian television, so those who understand fluent arabic can watch the interview here.” In short, he met and married his life partner, a Jordanian girl. Some of the comments I read on Facebook regarding this union reflected the kind of mindset that I just mentioned. He is a Chinese man. Is it halal for her to marry him? Seeing such comments made me question how people think in such times. Is there any place in the Quran that says it’s not allowed?
سورة النور ٣٢
وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ ۚ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ
سورة النساء ٩٤
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِذَا ضَرَبْتُمْ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ فَتَبَيَّنُوا وَلَا تَقُولُوا لِمَنْ أَلْقَىٰ إِلَيْكُمُ السَّلَامَ لَسْتَ مُؤْمِنًا تَبْتَغُونَ عَرَضَ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا فَعِندَ اللَّهِ مَغَانِمُ كَثِيرَةٌ ۚ كَذَٰلِكَ كُنتُم مِّن قَبْلُ فَمَنَّ اللَّهُ عَلَيْكُمْ فَتَبَيَّنُوا ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا
سورة النساء ١٢٥
وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ دِينًا مِّمَّنْ أَسْلَمَ وَجْهَهُ لِلَّهِ وَهُوَ مُحْسِنٌ وَاتَّبَعَ مِلَّةَ إِبْرَاهِيمَ حَنِيفًا ۗ وَاتَّخَذَ اللَّهُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ خَلِيلًا
Surah An-Noor 24:32
Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and he knoweth all things.
Surah An-Nisaa 4:94
O ye who believe! When ye go abroad in the cause of Allah, investigate carefully, and say not to any one who offers you a salutation: “Thou art none of a believer!” Coveting the perishable goods of this life: with Allah are profits and spoils abundant. Even thus were ye yourselves before, till Allah conferred on you His favours: Therefore carefully investigate. For Allah is well aware of all that ye do.
Surah An-Nisaa 4:125
Who can be better in religion than one who submits his whole self to Allah, does good, and follows the way of Abraham the true in Faith? For Allah did take Abraham for a friend.
Faith in the same thing is a strong foundation to build a relationship on. This makes a couple strive for the very same goal in life, they share a strong belief and support each other through both positive and negative to better themselves and reach that goal. That is what truly generates a successful marriage. Fortunately most replies I saw to such comments mirrored what I just said.
Growing up in a liberal society, I was never really compelled to use alcohol or any other haram substances that exists so freely here. Nor was I drawn into liberal social situations of intimacy and loose morals. I always figured if love is meant for me, it will find me. As I discovered Islam… I realized where my path had always been… somehow, this is where I felt home. Fate. The transition to this line of thinking from that of a liberal society was not such a giant leap as people may think. Will people who see me still judge me on sight? Probably. Why? Because of my ethnicity and the place I currently live.
Passiveness.
“Difference” is the very basis for conflict, be it national/cultural differences, political differences, personal individual differences, age differences, women/men differences, social/status differences… people don’t respect those differences enough to try to understand them. Anything from a war, political debates, quarrels with a neirhgbour… down to small children fighting over who has the best toy… the subjects under dispute may differ greatly but the basic principle is very much the same. Humankind has kind of a general passiveness and inability to see, to use the emphatic side and try to understand something from another person’s point of view.
Instead of embracing differences, humankind see strengths and weaknesses as rivarly and opportunities. The root argument that drives these ideas… “I am better than you”… does it sound familiar? You may have come across that argument in the Quran…
سورة ص ٧٦
قَالَ أَنَا خَيْرٌ مِّنْهُ ۖ خَلَقْتَنِي مِن نَّارٍ وَخَلَقْتَهُ مِن طِينٍ
Surah Saad 38:76
(Iblis) said: “I am better than he: thou createdst me from fire, and him thou createdst from clay.”
It is an irony to see that most of mankind displays the same attitude as the one character we are told to avoid. At least we have been given a chance to realize it (and correct ourselves).
No one likes to be wrong or admit they are wrong, because I believe most humans don’t feel comfortable seeing their own flaws, or they don’t like to be proven wrong because it makes them feel “weak”. Everyone wants to be on top so to speak… it makes them feel they have “control”. That is why muslims are fortunate for having the following statement to remind them of who and what they are…
سورة الحجرات ١٣
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَاكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَاكُمْ شُعُوبًا وَقَبَائِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوا ۚ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ
Surah Al-Hujuraat 49:13
O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things).
Indeed, I think a great example that sums up what I have talked about in this input is the story of Prophet Musa when he encountered a wise man, and while attempting to learn from him, saw things as they happened and reacted without knowing much more… a relevant story for us to see the importance of understanding things before we judge… I recommend reading the full story in Surah Al-Kahf, but the point I am reaching for is this…
سورة الكهف ٦٨
وَكَيْفَ تَصْبِرُ عَلَىٰ مَا لَمْ تُحِطْ بِهِ خُبْرًا
سورة التين ٨
أَلَيْسَ اللَّهُ بِأَحْكَمِ الْحَاكِمِينَ
Surah Al-Kahf 18:68
“And how canst thou have patience about things about which thy understanding is not complete?”
Surah At-Tin 95:8
Is not Allah the wisest of judges?
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